The Beauty And The Beast
by LemonyFreshInc
Summary: This is no fairy tale. Exploring everything from reincarnation to the difficulties of love prepare yourself for a trip into the human subconsious. You never know what beauty you might find or what beast may lurk inside just beyonf the surface.


...'Life has been a place I've wandered. It's part of me. Who am i? I am the Beast, and I've seen real Beauty, and they'll never know how Beautiful they really are...' The Story of Living"

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-The Beauty and The Beast-

'Life is truly the story that never ends: life is like a caged animal, running around in circles endlessly. No beginning, no end...'

I wanted so many things that night, so much, and so little at the same time. It was like I was reaching for anything that might sate the beast inside me. That was really what i was: some beast who reveled in the depths of the wilderness in which i dwelled, but ended up waking again not as i once was. They'd taken me out of the forest, and inevitably it drew me back no matter how far i went. Sitting there amoungst all those seemingly pointless things brought on that realization, and wrapped in the fur that mocked the one i once wore, i could only despair at lifes trappings.

It was a gift. Life was a gift, and i thanked Them for it and the gifts i had been endowed with, but i also cursed Their forgetfulness. They'd forgotten Reason, a Purpose, a Dream, my strived for end Result it seemed. I couldnt deny the Life i was given, but Destruction had marked me as well, and though i fought, i couldnt deny it either.Such as it was, Life for me dealt me a bad hand, and played a creul game, and i was bound to see to the end of the round.

So i lay there wanting, for id weighed and measured myself. I guess i always had. I wanted food to fill my endless hunger- three dinners later. I wanted to drink from my Orange Cone cup and never have it empty. I wanted to watch flashing red and blue lights reaching out of the dark to take me, but i could only leave my light on deep into the night. I burned myself with endless music that matched my mood, trapping myseld in the rhythm even as i snatched peices of the lyrics. I was trapped inside that room, more a large closet with a window more than a room, but all the same, i was trapped in more ways then one. The door and the things possibly happening beyond was one, but they were only physical. I dont think i would've dragged myself out even if i could, as i had been offered earlier, but i hadnt done more then send the messenger away before returning to where i was.

I was trapped by my own want, my own desire for that which was outside my grasp. Even my great escape of reading failed to be an ample distraction; it only bought me, or consumed, Time. For while the list went on and on that night, one thing ruled above all others. Everything i wanted went back to, reminded me of what i was, and of Him. He held a sway over me that He never really knew He had, but that hardly mattered to the beast inside me. Everything was a sweet and cruel reminder of HIm to me; something to revel in and lay as substitute, but no. Not even my book combined with my imagination could save me that night. The best i could do was to huddle down in the blankets and hope sleep would consume me. I couldnt be so lucky.

I Wanted Him. I wanted to share my cup my music to which i lived, to read out of my book to HIm, but most of all i wanted to share my bed with Him; to lay there wrapped up in the night, wrapped tight under the blankets against the warmth of his body. To become so enraptured in each other, like so often happened when we were close, as we were held together by feelings shared so freely that it almost becomes a tangible thing as my beast calls to the one buried deep inside him. Deep enough he forgwets the Moon's sweet touch, and the forest's gentle, relentless calling, but its still there, somewhere. Sometimes i wonder if that's what first drew me to Him. I understood Him even while i didnt understand myself, but the first helped lead me toward the second, though i still dont understand it all. Damn karma, damn fate. Why did destiny have to stick it two cents in?

I am no angel. It would be naught but pretense to say it was so, and my beast would call me on it every time. Angel of death would be closer. Everything that's ever been around me too long eventually, inevitably, dies in its own way, especially if its those who play me as the fool. But i am the fool, i admit it. Only other beasts are safe around me; they can accept my ways. To go against me is to willingly put yourself on the block. I can not help myself against willing, unseeing prey. My beast revels in the pain i can cause, feeding off it. But its not always so cruel, it wants, and i want, something besides, something else. Some people are different. He is different.

I desire no pain from HIm, to steal it away before it can grace his perfect imperfection, for the inperfections only accent how perfect He can really be. But no, it cannot be so easy. I try so hard to adjust, to covet that which ive claimed as mine and to protect HIm even as HE covets and tries to protect me. I know no greater shame, for in my own way, i dont deserve that which he offers so freely. I've tried to explain it, even tried for a time to deny it so as not to hurt his fragile being, but no, ive failed Him, i scarred Him, and by doing so, scarred Us for life. I hurt Him so badly he blames HImself. The number of times my own weaknesses, my own inability to change that which ive become over the years past, has let me fail him far outweigh any times he thinks he has let me down.

For all my subtleness, all my careful attempts to plan ahead, my weakness layed in that subtlety. Plans fall down around my head and break my confidence, what little i have. To change and to be overt requires that confidence, but it ws and is so often broke that eventually i crumble and give in to my own weakness. Sometimes you just have to give, even when if you had the choice you normally wouldn't. But who said i qualified as normal? That's right, no one.

I'd fallen for the arms of a friend when He wasnt even originally my friend. Damn. There were somedays i used to wonder after death, but now i know better. Death could not rule me while Life still held such obvious reign over me, even as i tugs at the reins. What i did those few years ago had proven that. They got fed up with my uncertainty, and stuck Their noses in before i could do a thing. And where had it gotten me? God only knows.

I wish i could help Him. I wish i could steal all His pain away, all his uncertainty. I think He used to know himself, but God only knows that in the time id known him, he'd changed. It made me wonder if i did. I suppose i had. Hed made me give the only things left that were truly mine and no one elses. Id given my heart and soul before id noticed they were really gone cause he had turned His over to fill the space before i knew it was there. Now id forgotten again, and it was a terrible price to pay. I would do anything even if only i could see Him Smile again, and to watch Him change. Even if what ive done made him change away from me. Even as i sat there with any of the little wounds hed caused, that id nursed before id realized how superficial they really were, i could only wish Him Happiness. I might be missing something, but id always kinda knew that, and even he holds it against me, i wont blame him. I was my fault. He could make me cry, but that was no reason to forget i could do the same in return. He should've held it against me, but i'd never really know if He did or not.

Even as i sat there overwhelmed in my own desire and despair, i had to realize something else. Beast i may be, but i was His Beast to call. No one else could take me, cause there was nothing left to take; I was not my own. No, i was His, and even if it eventually killed me in some way, i would do all i could to keep that despair at bay for Him. No other could sway me so. I was His, and He was Mine. And no one, no thing, was going to take that which i held so close. I knew, even if i had to give Him to someone else for His Happiness, id never really let Him go from me totally. After all, I am His, and He is Mine.

He is Mike, and Mike is Beautiful...


End file.
